Every now and then, life throws more at us than we feel ready to manage. If you’ve been with me through 2024, you know that this year has tested the limits of my endurance. Layne’s health struggle earlier this year and our three moves within eight months, including relocating his business, presented deeply personal challenges for both of us. But nothing prepared me for the heartbreak and shock of losing Manuela, a beloved student, during one of my classes. It was a tipping point, a moment that starkly redefined my understanding of my limits.

Oddly enough on that night, I found myself saying (to myself) “You’re OK, You’re OK.” But in the aftermath, I found that tears were spilling out at the smallest provocation and my patience was shot. I was snapping at the people I loved, and feeling the ground shift beneath me. It was clear that the compounded stress and sorrow were trying to tell me something. It was a call to turn inward and address my own well-being.
 

But my tears and agitation were telling me that I had to seek help. I reached out to my friend Dr. Lauren Tober for guidance. Because of our relationship, Lauren couldn’t work with me directly, but she recommended a colleague instead, and I booked a session immediately. 

During our first session, my therapist posed a question that resonated deeply: “Who is taking care of YOU?” She emphasized the importance of creating space not just in my schedule, but in my heart, for processing and healing the heavy emotions I’ve been carrying. It was a potent reminder that self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a fundamental necessity. Self-care doesn’t have to mean expensive massages and spa weekends – that’s not realistic for many of us, including me. But therapy has been the ultimate self-care, it’s given me a sacred space to untangle my emotions—a place where I feel truly heard and can heal.

While I understand the importance of self-care and am genuinely committed to embracing it with Layne’s full support, I still grapple with feelings of guilt. Sometimes, when my self-care choices momentarily complicate things for Layne, I feel guilty. This inner tug-of-war is typical for women of my generation, and something I’m working through. It’s a delicate balance, to ensure our own well-being while managing our roles and responsibilities.

So, to anyone feeling the weight of the world: remember, it’s not just okay to prioritise your mental health—it’s VITAL. Your well-being is the foundation you use to create a life of meaning and joy, even through the most challenging seasons.

And if someone asks you “R U OK?”  Please be honest, first with yourself, then with whoever is caring enough to ask.

 

©Julie Smerdon 2024